my feelings

Hello
Today I had the urge to do up a blog and write my feelings in it.
It’s juz the start of poly life and I am entering the 4th week of poly life. I am starting to wonder if I had made the right decision to go to a poly instead of a JC. I had always thought that poly would be fun and might be less stress than JC but my thinking seems to be very wrong in the first place. Haha….wondering whether if I really have the ability to cope with the life in poly.
Everyone in the class seems to be able to understand all the lectures and the tutorials so well that they are able to do other things at the same time while the lectures or the tutorials are going on. While I am there struggling to understand what the lecturer or the tutor is trying to explain. Maybe I should do something about it but I am like…..
Come to think it, it’s only the end of 3rd week in poly when I come to realize that poly life isn’t as fun and entertaining that I have thought of in the very beginning. Maybe it is the fact that lessons do not end that early and the tempo in poly life is also as fast as that of JC, I guess……but my other friend seem to be enjoying their poly life very happily. They do seem to be undergoing the stress that I am going through….i have started to wonder if I am the one who is stupid…. I hoped to tell someone about my€ feelings but I seriously don’t know who to turn to… I wanted to tell my parents about this but I guess when I let them know about this matter they will only start to worry about me…. And besides I know that my dad had put in a lot of money for me to go to study in a poly plus all the money to buy all the textbooks and laptop… I seriously do not want them to worry about me…. At the same time I do not want to disappoint them…… I am starting to wonder if I would just give up someday and there goes my life…….
The common test is coming out soon….. I am still halfway there… starting to worry about what will happen for my common test…. Maybe my life might just come to a complete stop one day…..but taking our own life will still have to go to court and this might even cause more problems for the family….maybe that is not a good choice anyway…. Well maybe one day when I stop posting my feelings on this blog… that will be the end of me….